Kate’s Story

“I remember looking at myself in the mirror with Matt and saying, ‘See this? I didn’t use to look like this! See this bulge? See this imperfection?'”

My journey with an eating disorder (ED) started with an innocent moment of boredom while I was waiting to eat dinner (an Italian feast none the less) with my family and my husband (then boyfriend) Matt.

Matt was in the shower, and as it was the middle of winter I started fantasising about summer (my favourite season) and decided to try on some of my summer clothes to lift my winter spirits. And this is where everything went dramatically down hill.

The clothes I was trying on felt tight, they looked bulgy to me and by the time Matt had got out of the shower I was a blubbering mess; my floor was covered in clothes and I was frantically trying on everything in sight.

I remember looking at myself in the mirror with Matt and saying, “See this? I didn’t use to look like this! See this bulge? See this imperfection?” (Basically tearing myself to shreds.)

Matt (being quite shocked at this point) was trying to settle me down, telling me he couldn’t see anything wrong and the clothes looked fine. It took over an hour of Matt’s patience before I stopped crying on the proviso that starting tomorrow I would review my exercise regime, change it up and reduce my portions at meal times.

(I want to note that to this day I have no idea if I had actually put on any weight at that point. Perhaps I had, perhaps I hadn’t. It really doesn’t matter because back then – before all of the ED crap – I was happy, healthy, fit and the easy going person that I loved being; it was the ED who was telling me otherwise.)


“Confusingly, a lot of people praised me for my weight loss, even though at this point I was in such an unhealthy, underweight state.”

From here on in shit got real, and shit got real real quick. What started out as simply cutting back on portions soon became cutting out carbs, most forms of protein and all sugars. I lost weight and continued to lose more over the next 18 months. Confusingly, a lot of people praised me for my weight loss, even though at this point I was in such an unhealthy, underweight state that I had lost my period, my ability to control my anger, and my social life.

After many sleepless nights I reached breaking point, laying in bed next to Matt only being able to think about foods that I wanted – the foods the ED decided were off limits. I was hungry and I started to cry. I woke Matt and finally accepted the idea I might need help. Matt and my parents had been begging me to go and see someone for weeks. It’s funny how the ones closest to me could see me disappearing into the ED but many outside my close circle of friends were impressed with how ‘together’ and ‘in control’ I was.

After seeking treatment from a qualified accredited dietitian/nutritionist and a psychologist things slowly started to get better. I was able to increase my food portions and step-by-step get back to eating those foods I’d been ignoring (pretty much everything besides veggies and fruit!).


“My story is still being written but every day I’m more determined to be rid of the ED forever.”

This process is still ongoing and I am definitely not 100% where I want to be. Lots of foods still scare me but I’m trying to eat them when I feel like it and not impose any restrictions on myself. Let’s be honest, what’s life without food?

Of course life’s not all about food, and your identity, self-worth or happiness should not be determined by it. But food is a big part of our existence and it exists not only to give your body the valuable nutrients it requires to function well (including carbs, proteins and fats!) but also to be enjoyed and savoured. And to be honest I don’t want to live a life where I can’t go out for dinner and enjoy a warm comforting bowl of pasta or a couple of mum’s famous cookies when I feel like it.

My story is still being written but every day I’m more determined to be rid of the ED forever, and live the life of freedom that was intended for me 🙂

We want mindfoodly to be a safe place for you to share your story. It doesn’t matter whether you’ve overcome an ED or are still fighting the good fight…this website is a place to share your struggles with people who understand. Don’t forget to check out the resources section for great books, blogs and downloads, and our dietitian directory

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10 thoughts on “Kate’s Story

  1. Sam says:

    Thanks so much for sharing Kate. I think most people will be able to relate to your story as in my experience we all have some struggle in the food and body image space. It’s great to know we’re not alone and this is a safe place to share and support each other. Keep the real stories and positive inspiration coming!

    Liked by 1 person

    • mindfoodly says:

      Thanks Sam, we really appreciate the encouragement. And yes we agree this is something that affects most of us to some extent. With this blog and everything we’re doing we want to give disorders less power by taking our struggles out of the realm of shameful or embarrassing and bringing them into the light!

      Like

  2. ccqqq says:

    thanks for sharing your story Kate, I agree with Sam – it’s relatable. the strength and positivity on this blog from both of you gives me hope and I am very glad I found it/you found me!! x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Becky says:

    I’m so glad I found your blog. I’m slowly starting to recover as well.

    My ED doesn’t look like a typical ED – you wouldn’t look at me and think that I have a problem. Which makes it more difficult to nail down and address, because my ED tells my brain that I don’t have an ED, and it’s just a vicious cycle.

    I’m struggling to share my journey with people close to me, because I feel like they won’t believe me, or maybe they will judge me, or who knows. That’s why I turned to blogs, my therapist and dietitian both suggested I find an outlet, and I’m just saying that I’m grateful is all.

    Like

    • mindfoodly says:

      Hi Becky,

      We are so glad you found us as well!

      We know how hard it can be when your ED tells you you don’t have a problem, but remember that the fact that there is that voice there at all means that you do have an ED. It is so good that you are seeking help from professionals as we truly believe this is the only way to fully recover.

      Sharing your story with others is not easy but we have found it super helpful in recovering. Maybe talk to your therapist about the best ways to do this?
      Thanks again for contacting us. Let us know if we can do anything to help you 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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