One of the worst symptoms of having an eating disorder is feeling cold. All the damn time. Unless you’ve experienced it you really have no idea how frustrating it is. I’m not talking about feeling the cold a little more than most people. I’m talking four to five layers sometimes not being enough. I’m talking not being able to think straight or function because you feel so cold.
I’ve never liked the cold. I’m a summer girl at heart—I love the beach and all things warm. But I have never felt the chill like I have while living with ED. It’s meant leaving parties and celebrations early because I couldn’t handle the cold. It’s meant needing ridiculously hot showers regularly to warm up. It’s meant sitting on the beach in a jumper watching all my friends enjoying the water while I miss out. It’s meant missing out on swimming with Matt on our honeymoon because I couldn’t handle the pool temperature…in Fiji!
It’s just one more example of how eating disorders take things away from you. Things you previously took for granted.
I’m doing a little better now. Our weekend in Melbourne back in May pushed me to my limits but I made it through (despite the city’s infamously unpredictable weather!). But I still struggle. From as early as April this year I’ve needed to get dressed in front of the gas heater and still can’t function without at least three layers on. I know it’s not going to get any better until I’m back in my healthy weight range, which is just one more reason to keep fighting!