I’ve been struggling for a while now with the idea of completely letting go of all control around food and exercise. I want so badly to be in tune with my body. To trust it. To listen to it. To provide what it wants, when it wants it. But I just don’t know how.
It’s hard to explain to anyone who’s never personally experienced life with an ED. As with any mental illness, I don’t think it’s possible to fully understand the battles that go on inside the head without going through it yourself (not something I recommend!). But there is such comfort in the control we have around food and exercise that to let go of it is one of the scariest things we could imagine. I know this sounds silly and really the obvious answer is to “just do it”, but the fear can be paralysing.
I’m not giving up by any means. I know that full recovery is possible (thanks to lovely people like Kylie Mitchell and Hayley Blake), but I need to work out how to get there and which path is right for me. So for me, for now, it’s all about going back to the drawing board. I’m focusing on the basics and taking it step by step, day by day. I know if I keep working at it, and taking all my worries and anxieties to God, I’ll come out of this in a place of freedom.
As always, if you have any helpful hints, resources or just encouraging words/stories, please feel free to get in contact with us, we love hearing from you all!
P.S. We’ve had a few enquiries about the delicious Daal I cooked up at the start of the week. I used this recipe but added a veggie stock cube, an extra cup of water and around a 1/3 cup of coconut milk. Enjoying daalings!