To Be Free…

Eating disorders are the antithesis of freedom.

They hold you captive, restricted and unable to make basic decisions. And they don’t just chain you to rules around food and exercise—they utterly enslave you, binding you to ridiculous rules and anxieties about almost every aspect of life.

Lately I’ve been really struggling to escape the rules, thoughts and anxieties of the ED. Where I was travelling along quite well, ticking off new goals on a regular basis, I’m now finding myself stuck in this place where I know the next steps but can’t seem to muster up the courage to take them. I’ve got lists upon lists of what I need to do to break free, but still I just—annoyingly and frustratingly—stay in my comfort zone.

At this point of recovery, hanging out in the comfort zone is really dangerous. Outwardly, you can appear to be getting on with life and living ‘normally’ but internally, behind closed doors, you’re living with behaviours, thoughts and medical issues that are not healthy.

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Last week a friend at church reminded me of something I’d forgotten. She read to me the verse Galatians 5:1, which says, “Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you.” It was such an awesome (and timely) reminder that we were never intended to live a life imprisoned by rules or controlled by an eating disorder (or anything else, for that matter).

We each have the ability and gift to live a free life, but it’s up to us to choose it, to choose freedom over slavery. As hard as this is, it means asking myself the question, “Am I going to choose complacency and live this life riddled with control, restriction, rules and the consequences (including long-term medical issues), or am I going to choose to take my stand and get back the free life I’ve been blessed with?”

I know what I’m going to choose. How about you?

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6 thoughts on “To Be Free…

  1. Mel says:

    Thank you for this Kate. I’ve been struggling with this ED for just over two years now. I constantly feel like I don’t deserve anything good in my life, and I’ve turned my greatest pleasure, the pleasure of food, into a cage of torture and pain.
    My life is one steeped in chaos, but I don’t even have food to comfort me.
    This is changing and I’m trying my level best. Whenever I feel the voices of that ED telling me I’m not worth anything, and to punish myself with the fear of food…I’ll always remember the verse you wrote in that. I’ve been following your journey and it’s given me so much inspiration to push on. 🙂

    Like

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